Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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