I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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