your room smells of hookers.
And success
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
