Can i not drive my cunt home
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
