I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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