My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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