Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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