i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
