It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
