Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
