So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
