I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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