Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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