No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
