I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
