Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
