babies were throwing up all over the place
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Come on in and take your pants off
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