My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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