I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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