i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
