i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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