I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
