Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
