wakey wakey hands off snakey
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
