the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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