Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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