i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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