I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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