I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
