I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
