To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
