You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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