I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
