Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
