cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
