Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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