I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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