I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
