you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
