i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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