she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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