He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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