I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
