"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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