I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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