Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
