I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
