I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
