oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
