We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
