I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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