a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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