Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
