People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
