If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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